The Obscurer

• Friday morning Pavement lyric #2: “Maybe someone’s gonna save me, my heart is made of gravy, and the laps I swim from lunatics don’t count.” [#]
• How long do you reckon I’ll keep tying my snapped left shoelace in a tiny bow rather than bother to replace it? [#]
• I know I’m late to the party, but isn’t Spotify amazing? Yesterday was all about reliving my 4AD phase; today it’s my Creation Records era. [#]
• I can understand that drinks mugs can go missing. It’s their sudden, mysterious and unexplained re-appearance that freaks me out. [#]
• Ok, that’s us! No work or school for anyone in this house for another 11 whole days. Happy Whitsun! Now: who was meant to book the weather? [#]
• To describe replica ’80s football shirts as “retro” is: a) wrong b) a sign of my age or c) both ? [#]
• Another Bank Holiday Monday, another opportunity to show “The Little Vampire” on BBC2. [#]
• Redbush tea reminds me of the taste of dental floss. Oddly, this seems a good thing. But then I mourn the passing of McDonalds Rootbeer. [#]
• I can never tire of watching Tom & Jerry play Liszt’s Hungarian Rhapsody No.2. [#]
• It seems that I am now unable to get my shoes back after ten-pin bowling without thinking of that episode of “Curb Your Enthusiasm”. [#]
• @gezd There’s nothing wrong with the #stopthebnp hashtag, but personally I prefer #thebnparetwats. in reply to gezd [#]
• No wonder ITV are struggling. Do they know their audience? If they did, surely they would instruct their presenters to root for Barca? [#]
• Clive Tyldesley must have read my last tweet; he’s just acknowledged the many UK viewers who will have cheered the Eto’o goal. [#]
• The Apprentice on the telly, European Cup on the laptop. Who says men can’t multi-task? [#]
• Me. I don’t honestly think I’m managing to follow either. [#]
• News Flash: Margaret Moran to step down at the next election, in an attempt to thwart Esther Rantzen’s bid to become an MP. [#]
• @gezd I believe there was a City version of that song – “Now that we’ve got Quinn what are we gonna win,with him?” – but I never heard it. in reply to gezd [#]
• Well done @Nosemonkey, you did grand on BBC4. A telly natural? [#]

• [via del.icio.us] Devil's Kitchen, The Movie. Courtesy of Flying Rodent. http://tr.im/mmq8 [#]

• Friday morning Pavement lyric #1: “You’ve been chosen as an extra in the movie adaptation of the sequel to your life.” [#]
• Is the defence of the MPs expense claims as “within the rules” all that different from the defence of tax avoidance as “within the law”? [#]
• Isn’t full fat mayonnaise foul? I can’t believe it’s taken me this long to figure out. [#]
• Oh dear. Yesterday my wife cast a clout, and, what with May not even nearly out, she’s now a-coughin’-and-a-wheezin’ like the best of them. [#]
• My car insurance renews on 6th June, after which the windscreen replacement excess increases by 50%. Note to self: replace windscreen by 5th [#]
• @antonvowl That’s not a fair fight. Quentin Letts is more odious than anyone this side of Hazel Blears. in reply to antonvowl [#]
• For the past few days I’ve had “These Dreams” by Heart going around and around in my head. Why? In the name of God, WHY? [#]
• A glorious sunny morning, perfect for dismantling a knackered trampoline and taking it to the tip with a myriad of other accumulated rubbish [#]
• RT @hackneye: Phew. Bad guy caught and ran out of town. http://is.gd/BEeV Now everything can go back to normal. I love a Hollywood ending. [#]
• I’m extremely suspicious that my latest follower, @JoinKleenezeNow, may be spam. [#]
• @Ear_I_Am Is that right? I tend to think of spam as being unsolicited and not necessarily deceptive. Guess it depends upon your definition. in reply to Ear_I_Am [#]
• @Ear_I_Am Or asking me to let them spam me? And something tells me that they’re “following” me in name only. But point taken. in reply to Ear_I_Am [#]

• @Ear_I_Am If I’m typical, it means we like 2/3 of the companies we Google, and are happy to waste the advertising budget of the other 1/3. in reply to Ear_I_Am [#]
• I do the whoopers and the timer, the boy does the goons and the big bird. Teamwork: that’s how you win at Cobblepot Caper. http://tr.im/kXie [#]
• If you drop and break a full jar of Dolmio when walking back from the shops, why not leave it lying there in the middle of the pavement? [#]
• Balls to the result. And the performance. I’m a simple soul, and watching Ronaldo’s strop is all the entertainment I require. [#]
• I see the Nicholson Arms is boarded up. If it’s representative of all those umpteen pubs closing each week, it can only be a good thing. [#]
• Thank God for Ted Robbins. Without him there’d be a Ted Robbins shaped void that no one would be able to fill. [#]
• Blogger [noun] Someone amazed anyone reads their worthless crap. | Journalist [noun] Someone amazed so few people read their worthless crap. [#]
• Crabbie’s Alcoholic Ginger Beer is lovely. In fact, it’s so authentic, it tastes just like normal, non-alcoholic Ginger Beer. Praise indeed [#]
• Conjunctivitis is a pain in the eye. [#]
• My son’s battery-powered, flip-over Monster Truck isn’t annoying at all. No. Not at all. [#]
• Fun, longer than planned drive round Manchester, fully exploring changes to traffic management since last time. “No Left Turn? Oh fuck!” etc. [#]
• Does my son watch in awe as I change AAA batteries and squeeze superglue, just as I watched my dad strip the engine of a Hillman Avenger? [#]
• Anyone know what’s happened to Löwenbräu? I haven’t seen any for ages? [#]

• [via del.icio.us] The William Roache *MBE* Website, for all your William Roache needs. A truly criminally awful celebrity website by the star of TV, film (allegedly) and stage (after a fashion) who doesn’t want to be known as Ken Barlow. Or even Bill. Via twitter.com/iamnotsteve/status/1729057347 http://tr.im/kULh [#]
• [via del.icio.us] HSE Myth of the Month: every month, another health and safety myth. In fact, I’m sure the Health and Safety Executive could do a “myth of the day” page, with a few bonus myths each time the Richard Littlejohn column is published.http://tr.im/kULl [#]
• [via del.icio.us] Economist: “An efficient public sector may count as much as an efficient private one; public investment in transport, schools and health care, done well, can pay dividends.” No shit. After 165 years has The Economist finally got it? Has my bashing my head against a brick wall not been in vain after all? Can I cut out and keep this article ready for the next time I read about the private sector alone being the wealth creating sector, which I’m anticipating in around 12 minutes time? http://tr.im/kXvk [#]
• [via del.icio.us] Economist: “One fast-food boss says that he staffs the same restaurants in France with two-thirds of the numbers hired in Britain.” I’ve read that stat before, and I thought at the time that it could be made to prove whatever the author wants it to. Here it is used to show how the French social model prevents job creation when compared to the UK. However, were one minded to write an article criticising the inefficiency and low productivity of the British economy compared to the French, you could reach for that same stat again. Which is right? I don’t know. http://tr.im/l1ju [#]

• I’ve slumped 204 places in the Wikio blog rankings! As I didn’t know they existed, I think having been able to fall 204 spots is creditable. [#]
• I seem unable to hear the Rolling Stones’ “Paint It Black” without thinking of the crap ‘eighties Vietnam TV series “Tour Of Duty”. Help me. [#]
• Something you don’t want to hear when you turn on TMS and England are batting: “Well, he’s still on a hat trick”. [#]

It’s fig.
In other news, it’s been a momentous time here in Obscurerland. It’s not just that I only went and wrote a proper post and everything, my first for nearly a month, even if it was little more than a tortuous, extended advert for a brand of curry sauce. No; in addition, a landmark was passed when the number of tweets I’ve written on Twitter overtook the number of posts I’ve written here. So does that mean I’ve become a twitterer with a blog, rather than a blogger who twitters? I don’t care. And I’ve still somehow found time to start up a pointless tumblelog – in effect the RSS feeds from here, Delicious and Twitter forced through some Yahoo! Pipes and splurged out alongside perhaps just the occasional piece of “original content” (as a teaser to entice people in, oh yes, a bit like those new tracks you can find on Greatest Hits CDs that only idiots such as myself fall for) – although why I don’t know. There seems no end to the variety of ways this web 2.0 malarkey enables people like me to publish and republish the same old reheated stuff that no one’s interested in anyway; but it’s harmless and keeps me busy and off the streets where I could otherwise prove to be a danger to myself and others.

Anyway, it’s that time of the week and I know what you’re here for, you lucky people, so here are my twitterings from the past seven days. Off you go now; fill your boots.

• There’s something hypnotic about watching your sleepy 2-year-old repeatedly nodding off then waking up as her head lolls forward. [#]
• Why do people bother clicking “Don’t Know” on those single-question online polls you see? Why not just, you know, ignore them? [#]
• What a glorious sunny day. I should be going to Praa Sands. But I’m going to work. [#]
• My research project complete, the results are in: and Kellogg’s Rice Krispies *are* snappier, cracklier and more poppy than any own brand. [#]
• I’ve never understood why it’s the Cor Anglais but the French Horn. Do the French say English Horn and Cor Francais? [#]
• @HornCologne So you *do* learn a new thing every day! Many thanks. in reply to HornCologne [#]
• Quality Save staff always make me feel as if I’m getting in the way of their shelf-stacking. But at 35p for a pack of Toffypops: fuck it. [#]
• In a just world there’d be a Jas Jas Jas Lebanese deli in every town. At least the only one that does exist is round the corner from me. [#]
• It’s always a joy to hear The Magic Numbers unexpectedly. [#]
• Thrown by an article on US-Israel relations discussing Barack Obama & Ehud Barak. One Bara(c)k too many for my feeble brain to cope with. [#]
• Ahh, the April paper-shred of my old bank statements. Always puts me in mind of my mate who used to work for Barlow Clowes. [#]

• [via del.icio.us] More shitty, lazy journalism from the Telegraph. If the writer of this pitiful excuse for an article had actually read the news report regarding Bonjela she’d have know that the Teething Gel is fine. You don’t even need to be an investigative journalist to find that out, just a reader of average ability. How does this sort of bollocks get commissioned? And I’m sick of staring at this headline on my Google News home page. Enough already! http://tr.im/jB0G [#]
• [via del.icio.us] Nick Davies: “There were six days of substantially false coverage about a man who apparently died of a heart attack as he walked home while a screaming mob of anarchists hurled missiles at the police officers who tried to help him. Any inquiry into this media misinformation will want to find out whether that was simply the hyperbole of ignorant reporters or the product of bad practice at the Metropolitan police, the City of London police or the IPCC.” http://tr.im/jXXM [#]