The Obscurer

Month: April, 2009

Thursday 30th April 2009

Twitterings: Pig Or Fig?

It’s fig.
In other news, it’s been a momentous time here in Obscurerland. It’s not just that I only went and wrote a proper post and everything, my first for nearly a month, even if it was little more than a tortuous, extended advert for a brand of curry sauce. No; in addition, a landmark was passed when the number of tweets I’ve written on Twitter overtook the number of posts I’ve written here. So does that mean I’ve become a twitterer with a blog, rather than a blogger who twitters? I don’t care. And I’ve still somehow found time to start up a pointless tumblelog – in effect the RSS feeds from here, Delicious and Twitter forced through some Yahoo! Pipes and splurged out alongside perhaps just the occasional piece of “original content” (as a teaser to entice people in, oh yes, a bit like those new tracks you can find on Greatest Hits CDs that only idiots such as myself fall for) – although why I don’t know. There seems no end to the variety of ways this web 2.0 malarkey enables people like me to publish and republish the same old reheated stuff that no one’s interested in anyway; but it’s harmless and keeps me busy and off the streets where I could otherwise prove to be a danger to myself and others.

Anyway, it’s that time of the week and I know what you’re here for, you lucky people, so here are my twitterings from the past seven days. Off you go now; fill your boots.

  • There’s something hypnotic about watching your sleepy 2-year-old repeatedly nodding off then waking up as her head lolls forward. [#]
  • Why do people bother clicking “Don’t Know” on those single-question online polls you see? Why not just, you know, ignore them? [#]
  • What a glorious sunny day. I should be going to Praa Sands. But I’m going to work. [#]
  • My research project complete, the results are in: and Kellogg’s Rice Krispies *are* snappier, cracklier and more poppy than any own brand. [#]
  • I’ve never understood why it’s the Cor Anglais but the French Horn. Do the French say English Horn and Cor Francais? [#]
  • @HornCologne So you *do* learn a new thing every day! Many thanks. in reply to HornCologne [#]
  • Quality Save staff always make me feel as if I’m getting in the way of their shelf-stacking. But at 35p for a pack of Toffypops: fuck it. [#]
  • In a just world there’d be a Jas Jas Jas Lebanese deli in every town. At least the only one that does exist is round the corner from me. [#]
  • It’s always a joy to hear The Magic Numbers unexpectedly. [#]
  • Thrown by an article on US-Israel relations discussing Barack Obama & Ehud Barak. One Bara(c)k too many for my feeble brain to cope with. [#]
  • Ahh, the April paper-shred of my old bank statements. Always puts me in mind of my mate who used to work for Barlow Clowes. [#]
  • [via del.icio.us] More shitty, lazy journalism from the Telegraph. If the writer of this pitiful excuse for an article had actually read the news report regarding Bonjela she’d have know that the Teething Gel is fine. You don’t even need to be an investigative journalist to find that out, just a reader of average ability. How does this sort of bollocks get commissioned? And I’m sick of staring at this headline on my Google News home page. Enough already! http://tr.im/jB0G [#]
  • [via del.icio.us] Nick Davies: “There were six days of substantially false coverage about a man who apparently died of a heart attack as he walked home while a screaming mob of anarchists hurled missiles at the police officers who tried to help him. Any inquiry into this media misinformation will want to find out whether that was simply the hyperbole of ignorant reporters or the product of bad practice at the Metropolitan police, the City of London police or the IPCC.” http://tr.im/jXXM [#]
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Tuesday 28th April 2009

On A Plate: India

What do you do when you find that the opinions of those you ostensibly agree with are as annoying as the views of those whose arguments you oppose? Well, in my case you finally delete your proposed blog post on the G20 protests, feel a weight lifted off your shoulders, a release of endorphins, and put that feeling to good use by clearing out all those other half-written posts in draft form that you always knew in your heart-of-hearts you would never complete. You see, what began as a post that attempted to look beyond the easy condemnation apparent on all sides when discussing the G20 demos, to appeal to reason and understanding, against prejudice, and to examine it all within the context of human nature and our inevitable fallibilities, soon degenerated into a downward spiral of criticisms, a swirling vortex dragging everyone down as I absorbed further revelations, reactions and responses, until I ended up alone in a place where I thought everybody’s opinion was a load of utter bollocks. Mine included. In fact I began to feel a little like Terry in that scene from Whatever Happened To The Likely Lads…

Terry: “I haven’t got much time for the Irish or the Welsh, and the Scots are worse than the Koreans”

Bob: “And you never could stand southerners”

Terry: “To tell you the truth I don’t much like anyone outside this town. And there aren’t many families down our street that I can stand”

But enough, please, of such lycanthropy and other such knowing malapropisms. If I’m not going to write about the G20, what should I write about instead? Well, I was thinking: what about cooking? Because I like cooking, I do; I find it the perfect accompaniment to listening to the radio. I can relax and enjoy it, even if I am at best a competent, attentive but uninspired sort of a cook. And I can’t imagine a situation where someone criticises a recipe to the extent that they seem to be anti-recipes, or praises a recipe without apparently acknowledging some recipes’ failings, can you? Do people ever sound off about a recipe they know little about based only upon a few facts, plenty of speculation and a bucket load of prejudice? Does anyone ever, for example, assume there is either too much or too little garlic in a recipe before they have read the list of ingredients? I’m hoping not. Recipes, surely, are one area where one keeps an open mind in the absence of any facts, where one is prepared to adopt a “wait and see” approach, rather than to jump to a conclusion in the first instance and to then stick with it regardless of whether or not subsequent instances support or refute your initial assumptions (unless a recipe involves liver, of course, in which case damn it to hell and back).

So, I think I may turn this old place into a recipe blog, to build on the huge popularity of my toast, pensioner pie and MasterChef posts. And what better place to start than with the nation’s favourite (is it really?): curry! Yes, just follow my simple instructions and the most perfect Chicken Jalfrezi could soon be yours to enjoy.

  1. First, slice two good sized chicken breasts nice and finely
  2. Brown the sliced chicken in a splash of olive oil over a medium heat for a few minutes until just turning golden
  3. Take a jar of Geeta’s Spice & Stir Jalfrezi Sauce, remove the spice pot from the top of the jar and stir in the spices, frying for a few minutes
  4. Add the sauce from the jar, stirring well, until the pot is nicely simmering
  5. Chuck in some leftovers. I used the remains of a jar of Lime Pickle the other day, and a potato from under the sink that was past its best
  6. Transfer the whole lot into the slow cooker. Poor the mixture into the cooker off the back of a wooden spoon to avoid those splashes of curry sauce that you can’t fully remove from the worksurface until the sun has bleached them
  7. Cook for around an hour or more (the longer the better), then bung in a tin of chickpeas (I got mine buy-one-get-one-free from Morrisons) and stir. Leave for a further 20 minutes
  8. Rinse the required amount of basmati rice in water three times, then set to boil in unsalted water for around 12 minutes
  9. When the rice is cooked, drain and set aside for 5 minutes
  10. Rip up a good clump of fresh coriander and add to the curry, stirring well
  11. Serve
  12. Eat

Finally, a few dos and don’ts.

Do drain the rice thoroughly and set aside, as this gives a chance for any excess moisture to evaporate off the rice, leaving it light and fluffy, lovely and dry. Also, keep an eye on the curry; the longer you leave it the more tender the chicken, but you may want to add a bit of water now and then to ensure it doesn’t dry out.

Don’t read what it says on the side of the jar; not just the instructions which suggest you should cook the curry for a much shorter time – a mere twenty minutes or so – but also the part that tells you that Jalfrezi

was originally a dish of the British Raj named after Colonel Frazer of the British Raj army, and is now found on many restaurant menus. Generally cooked with chicken, peppers, onions and green chillies, Jalfrezi has an aromatic zesty flavour with an added ‘kick’. Jalfrezi, or jhal frezi, means dry fry and as such this delicious hot dish does not have much gravy. Instead the spicy thick sauce tantalisingly clings to the chicken or meat

Can Jalfrezi really be named after a Colonel Frazer and mean dry fry? Is this coincidence, or bollocks? Is Geeta trying to have her curry and eat it? Whatever; perhaps the money saved on proofreading the label – in failing to spot that contradiction, as well as in the clumsy repetition of the phrase “British Raj” (yeah, I now, like I’ve got room to talk) – has been ably deployed in creating the quite delicious curry sauce itself. If so, then who cares? For if you do try Geeta’s my recipe for Chicken Jalfrezi, you will find out for yourself that the resulting curry really is very fine indeed.

Anyway, here’s a picture.

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Thursday 23rd April 2009

Twitterings: Igglepiggle & The Flight Of The Phoenix

  • Although it’s on three times a day, my daughter still points in astonishment each time “In the Night Garden” comes on TV. And I play along. [#]
  • That wooden board covering the smashed window at The Old Vine has been painted black. So temporary repair becomes permanent feature? Nice. [#]
  • Almost worth starting a Telegraph subscription, so I can leave a comment saying I’m cancelling my Telegraph subscription. http://tr.im/j9GN [#]
  • Listening to House Tornado by Throwing Muses. Utterly fantastic. I urge you to buy it at the first opportunity. You can’t be disappointed. [#]
  • Our house has more lime juice than we’ll ever need. In that we have some. [#]
  • I would “live tweet” the budget, but my radio seems to be switched off and I feel no inclination to switch it on. [#]
  • Blimey. Phoned the council 20 minutes ago reporting a missing lamp post cover, and they’re already out sorting it. Well done Stockport MBC! [#]
  • Shit! Is it that time already? But all I’ve done all day is a bit of faffing about! Quick: find something useful to do, before it’s too late [#]
  • Ooh, Flight Of the Phoenix is on tonight. [#]
  • Oh, it’s the remake. [#]
  • del.icio.us/obscurer | The Economist: “63% of people think the economic situation is a major cause of fearfulness in others, but only 12% of respondents confessed to feeling “quite” or “very” scared about it personally “. Which pretty much supports what I’ve said all along about the media’s continued and distorting scaremongering. http://tr.im/jA0y [#]
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Thursday 16th April 2009

Twitterings: Easter Eggs & Macaroni Cheese

  • What is it with Macaroni Cheese in Scotland? Is there a single pub in the country that doesn’t have it on its menu? Not to mention the pies. [#]
  • If you’re ever in fear of falling asleep at the wheel on the A74(M), try a can of Relentless and a Boost bar. Worked for me. [#]
  • Is there such a thing as leftover bread? Or is there only bread we have yet to eat? Or feed to the ducks? [#]
  • Another episode of Lewis, another bit of product-placement for The Randolph Hotel. [#]
  • A house full of chocolate, and still the kids want to stop off at the sweet shop on the way back from the park. [#]
  • Just deleted my intended blog post on the G20 demos, then all the other drafts I know I will never get around to writing. Feel better now. [#]
  • Further to the last, those “fed up with blogging” moods of mine seem to be getting more frequent, and the gaps in-between getting briefer. [#]
  • First mention of “you know, I don’t think I give a shit about this anymore” on #apprentice. By me. [#]
  • del.icio.us/obscurer | Shuggy: “All [police] are not bastards – they're just like the rest of us, which is to say for the most part complete assholes.” Yup. http://tr.im/iz7j [#]
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Thursday 9th April 2009

Yet Another Week On Twitter

  • del.icio.us/obscurer | Local Libertarian Astonished By “Atlas Shrugged”: Flying Rodent: “When I read the 73rd contrived miniature morality play, unconvincingly deployed to illustrate the cruel persecution of a small clique of honest, beautiful, hard-working, plutocratic, billionaire capitalist ubermenschen at the hands of a horde of jealous, dim-witted, socialist ogres, I just thought to myself – this is my life I’m reading about here” http://tinyurl.com/d67kpa [#]
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