Sotto Voce
by Quinn
There is plenty of good information out there on how to handle this recent heat wave; we’re all adults here and we know what we should and shouldn’t do. Drink plenty of fluids, wear sun tan lotion and the appropriate clothing, never leave dogs or infants in hot unattended cars, and so on.
Talking of cars, and infants, I have another piece of rarely heard advice. That is to say that when you see two lads in a white Astra van, sans bairn, taking up one of the “parent and child” parking bays at Tesco’s, before you call them a “bunch of cunts”, check whether or not you have the sun roof and all the windows open on your car.
Because I didn’t earlier today. With hilarious consequences.
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With practice, I’ve found that it’s possible to aim the word “dickhead” with needle-fine precision, launching it squarely through the open window of the vehicle of your choice. If you’re on nippier transport – a bicycle springs to mind in my case – you can be off and away before they’ve got over the first flush of consternation.A few days ago I was a bit off-target, though, and ended up insulting a horse. I don’t think he noticed, though.
Fine work. Insulting someone and making off on your toes is impressive, but is can also be hugely satisfying to swear at someone and for them not to realise, as would have happened had my windows been wound up.Sadly, earlier on, I fell between the two stools.