Press Release

by Quinn

Nonplussed Records is proud to announce the release next week of the eagerly anticipated second album from multi-platinum singer/songwriter James Bland.
Two years ago James rocked the world of music public relations when his debut album – eponymously titled, so exhibiting a level of imagination and originality for which he would rightly become renowned – was released in a unique and ground-breaking flurry of promotion utilising unsolicited SMS messages, viral marketing through videos on YouTube, an interview on BBC Breakfast, and the inclusion of certain key songs in the soundtracks of romantic comedies. Some in the music press quite inappropriately mentioned him in the same breath as Jeff Buckley, and his music enjoyed massive word-of-mouth popularity through being played in the background at countless parties, where it succeeded in neither disturbing the flow of conversation, nor causing anything beyond the very mildest of interest during the small talk sometimes required to fill one of those awkward, pregnant pauses you get.

James’ brand new album, “More Of The Same”, doesn’t so much build on the winning formula of his debut as simply cut and paste it. Of the sixteen tracks only eleven sound the same; existing fans will thrill to the inoffensive nothingness of the new songs that will steadfastly refuse to threaten or challenge preconceptions, while the very best his critics will manage is a lazy, world-weary shrug. Many of the tracks are guaranteed to be instantly forgotten the moment they are heard, and in the highly unlikely event that they don’t all just blur into one another it is probable that they will only be referred to, if ever, as simply “track four”, “the new single”, “that one they use on the Halifax advert” and “the last song on the CD, you know, the long boring one that goes on forever, that feels as if it will never finish, and then has a false ending”, rather than by their actual titles.

The album is preceded by the release of the single “This Year’s Dido”, which music scholars will instantly notice is in the same key and features an identical chord progression to all of James’ previous songs; his fans won’t notice this but they will still find the new song delightfully “hummy”. Hastily remixed with the addition of some jingle bells, and released not at all coincidently just before Christmas so as to maximise its potential to be purchased as an unwanted present by the sort of thoughtless buyer who is unaware of their friends’ musical taste and who forgets to keep receipts and so cannot return the CD but may instead buy a different recording by another Nonplussed artist to placate the original disgruntled recipient, “This Year’s Dido” is being released in as many formats as we think we can get away with.

Both “More Of The Same” and “This Year’s Dido” are available though Amazon, HMV and all good record shops, but for some strange reason not via the very poorly laid-out record company website, which concentrates on lots of flash animation at the expense of usability, and also features all sorts of pointless JavaScript gubbins that means each page takes an absolute age to load, resulting in a website that is actually completely useless in any practical sense.

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