The Obscurer

I will never forget the time I went to see Frank Sidebottom at Bradford University. He was to be supported by Phil Cornwell, known at the time for being the voice of Mick Jagger on Steve Wright’s terrible Radio 1 show. Anyway, after around half an hour or so waiting for the support act to bother to turn up, Frank obviously thought “bugger this”, and went on to do his act anyway, and very amusing he was too.

That would have been the end of it, a simple story of the support act not turning up; except halfway through Frank’s act, Cornwell (as he shall now be known) bundled himself onto the stage and proceeded to try to do his act, thinking I guess that Frank would vacate the stage. Frank, presumably under the correct impression that he was the headline act, declined to leave the stage, and carried on with his set. Cornwell was not put off however, and tried to carry on despite the booing that was beginning to emanate from the crowd. He then tried to interrupt Frank and acted as if he was part of a double act; if he was, then there was no doubt who was the straight man. The abuse from the audience grew in volume, and finally culminated in someone shouting “Hit him Frank” about 5 seconds before I was about to; the crowd then erupted in cheers. I think Cornwell finally got the message. We hear sometimes of speakers trying to incite crowds in acts of violence, but I suspect this was the first time it has happened the other way round, especially when the person being incited is wearing a papier mache head.

I mention this because it appears that Cornwell is still being gainfully employed, and at licence-fee payers expense no less, on the TV show “Dead Ringers”. Tragically, I was freezing my bollocks off on Monday watching a dire attempt at Premiership football, and as a result I missed the “Dead Ringers US Election Special” on BBC2. I believe this is the first of a new series, and so I will have to come up with a different excuse not to watch it next week. Perhaps I will just go back to the City of Manchester stadium; match or no match it would be preferable to watching “Dead Ringers”.

Now I know we are in deeply subjective territory when we walk about sense of humour, but for me the failure of “Dead Ringers” shows a problem with impressionist shows in general; “Bremner, Bird and Fortune” is similarly weak. The problem I think is that so much effort goes into getting the impressions right that often the jokes simply get forgotten; it often seems as if the writers think it is enough just to refer to something that has happened in the news to show that they are being topical. With that they think the job has been done.

What is more surprising is the acclaim both programmes receive; it is very rare you ever read a bad word about “Bremner…” Or “Dead Ringers”, and I just can’t fathom it. Perhaps it shows the lack of satirical programmes on the television; in the absence of good satire, bad satire will just have to do. Or maybe there is some conspiracy in favour of impressionists; “Stella Street”, another show “starring” Cornwell, also got rave reviews, despite the fact that not only were the jokes appalling, but so were the impressions themselves.

Alistair MacGowan’s “Big Impression” illustrates perfectly the problem with impression shows; it can be genuinely funny, such as in a sketch where Cary Grant and Audrey Hepburn are running a mobile cafe; it is directed in the Hitchcock style, complete with a Bernard Herrman-like score to emphasise the drama of running out of Kit Kats. But this is an example of where the comic scenario comes first. In contrast, when he does David Beckham or Sven Goran Erickson, the result is usually poor; he does it because he feels he has to do it, because they are people in the news, and then the joke has to follow on from that need to be topical, rather than coming from true inspiration.

Contrast this with Harry Hill, whose “TV Burp” has recently returned to ITV1, and is almost the only watchable programme on the channel (other than repeats of “Inspector Morse”). He may not be to everyone’s taste but at least for him the joke comes first. He does impressions, and they are generally terrible, but it doesn’t matter because the jokes are funny anyway.

I will continue to watch Harry Hill because he has me in stitches; “Bremner…” And “Dead Ringers” drive me up the wall, so I will leave them to the TV reviewers. Phil Cornwell at least is able to say that he makes me laugh; but only when I recall that day supporting Frank Sidebottom, 14 years or so ago.

You’ve got to feel sorry for the BBC. Only a few weeks ago they were being criticised for providing TV programmes which mimicked the commercial sector, even though much of the make-over programmes which came in for criticism actually originated on the BBC and were then copied by ITV or are repeated on the UKTV channels. They even became front page news in the Daily Express when they provided 19 hours of repeats one Bank Holiday Monday; this despite the fact that for as long as I can remember the Bank Holiday schedule has been full of repeats, and there was no criticism or comparison with what other channels were doing on the same day.

Now they are being criticised for being different from the other channels. It seems they just can’t win. The Barwise report into Digital programming complains that BBC Three and Four are poor value for money. Fair enough, but perhaps that is the price you have to pay for being different; almost by definition, if you are providing something different to the commercial sector then you are providing something that the market does not feel it can make a profit on. I don’t watch much of BBC Four, but I am glad it is there. There is the occasional programme that crops up that is like gold dust, and which I think would be unlikely to be shown elsewhere – “The Divine Comedy” at the Cambridge Folk Festival for example. When there is Opera on which I don’t want to watch, I personally am happy that my license fee is helping to provide that service to those who love opera.

BBC Three is a bit of a mish-mash, and I am not sure of the worth of “Eastenders Revealed” for example. Funnily enough the News programme on BBC Three came in for particular criticism, yet it was included at the behest of Tessa Jowell and was not part of the BBC’s original plans.
But there are still some good programmes like “Little Britain” ,“Bodies” and “Spy” which I have watched and enjoyed, and which have provided an outlet for writers and programme makers which otherwise may not have been there.

Perhaps I am the wrong person to make a judgment on all this, however. Coming in for particular praise by the report is “CBeebies”, the BBC channel for toddlers. Now, I know more than I should about CBeebies and I think it is just fine, but it is essentially just a four hour loop of repeats of “Teletubbies”, “Tweenies” and “Fimbles”, with the occasional lamentable new programme like “Bobinogs”, “Boogie Beebies” and “Big Cook, Little Cook”. If that now constitutes a “triumph” then I clearly have no future in TV scheduling or criticism.

As I write this there is still no further news on the hostage Ken Bigley. Like everyone I am sure, my heart goes out to him and his family. I really cannot imagine the horror they all must be going through. I hope that no news is good news. It is important at this time for people to also say that we cannot and shall not give in to Terrorism, and that is quite right, but there is one minor way in which the Terrorists have forced a change.

On Friday night, on ITV1, I was about to watch “A Touch Of Frost” when the announcer said there was a change of schedule due to recent events, and instead they would be showing an episode of “Inspector Morse”. I took this to mean that something in the episode of “Frost” echoed Ken Bigley’s situation, and so it had been pulled.

Does this matter? Probably not. Personally, I have often thought there have been many over reactions in the past when this sort of thing has happened; one thinks of “Massive Attack” being renamed “Massive” during the 1991 Gulf War, and Top of the Pops skipping over any reference to Robert Miles’ tune “Children” in the week following the Dunblane tragedy. However, the world will not stop turning just because ITV have not shown a repeat of “Frost”, and I prefer “Morse” anyway.

But the episode of “Morse” had one character, played by Anna Massey, who gave birth to a still born baby; later on she was fooled into thinking that another character, played by Charlotte Coleman, was the baby who had died all those years ago, which ultimately led to the tragic climax where the girl stabbed to death the person she thought of as her Mother.

This struck me very personally; I had just returned from a wake, as a friend of mine had earlier buried his own Mother. Meanwhile, I have another friend in Hospital with complications during her pregnancy. For them, the TV programme rescheduled in order to avoid distress was far more likely to upset them. There must be hundreds of people in the country who feel the same.

What am I trying to say? I am not really sure, but I suppose I think that art and drama should be about moving us and engaging with us, and this may run the risk of offending us. But if we always try to avoid anything that may upset people then TV will ultimately be ever more timid and bland, and all we will be watching is programmes on pink kittens and sugar drops, with warnings beforehand for diabetic dog-lovers.

ITV will say they were just showing sensitivity under the current circumstances. Fair enough I suppose, and they are probably right. But I also reckon the Bigley family couldn’t care less which episode of which TV Detective was shown on Friday. No fictional drama could be worse, or could worsen, the real-life pain they must be going through.