The Last Noël

by Quinn

We’re sunk. The liberal elite has won. According to Private Eye

It’s official – Christmas is cancelled at the Daily and Sunday Express. Chairman Richard “Dirty” Desmond, worried about a verbal or physical backlash from the swathes of journos he is throwing out into the snow as the global recession bites, has announced there will be no staff knees-up this year.

At previous Christmas parties Dirty Des has bored the balloons from the ceiling with speeches about circulation figures and ad revenue of each and every title in the Northern and Shell stable while his minions take rapturous advantage of the free booze on offer. But the thought of being drowned out by well-watered hacks bemoaning the loss of their jobs and pension rights has proved too big a worry or Des.

So that’s that then; Christmas had finally and conclusively been banned, and after I’ve already wasted good money – £9.99 – on a pink DS Lite carrying-case for my niece. Will Toys’R’Us issue a refund? Perhaps I’ll save it for her birthday, so long as that hasn’t been similarly proscribed.

But I suppose it was always going to end this way: that after fighting a valiant rearguard action battling the assorted forces of those politically correct councils, right-on quangos and other propagandists of multiculturalism, after making up uncovering countless examples of the authorities’ relentless “War On Xmas”, it would be the Express that remained the last man standing; but it would still ultimately be forced to cave in in the end, to abandon Christmas, and so hammer the final nail into the festival’s coffin.

At least it didn’t go down without a fight.